A Quick Update, A Change of Plans: Or, What I Didn’t Consider Before Hitting the Road

Any Van Life blog on the internet will tell you that it’s hard, and that not everyone is cut out for it.

That isn’t a bad thing, it’s just the way of the world. Some people hardly notice that they haven’t showered in a week and the people in the grocery line are giving them strange looks. Some people are really good at leveraging technology to help them figure out exactly where to find everything they need in one stop. Some people don’t mind throwing a yoga mat down in a Walmart parking lot and getting in a workout right then and there.

Turns out I’m not one of them.

I figured this out more-or-less gradually, and I didn’t discover it in terms of things I’m not. Instead, it was about the things I enjoy.

I love feeling a little polished. Even if no one else notices, knowing that I put the effort in is enough to put a smile on my face the rest of the day.

I like boiling water for hot tea in the middle of July (much less pleasant when you live in 50 square feet with no air conditioning and you’re in Georgia).

I like keeping my yoga mat far away from the eyes of strangers.

I love having a pint of ice cream in the freezer, just in case.

I love substitute teaching, having a regular schedule and complete control over it, getting to help kids and put a smile on their faces.

I love knowing that if I go to work, I will make money.

I love being surrounded by a community and being able to get involved with that community.

I love riding my bike to the local coffee shop and whittling away an afternoon in a fresh story idea.

I love keeping most of my life to myself.

These things just don’t mesh with full time van life. I don’t mind being dirty and inconvenienced for a while, but after a certain point I just realized… I didn’t want being able to go the the restroom whenever I wanted to feel like a blessing.

Part of this is probably a result of what I didn’t do with Danica — no bathroom, smaller water tanks, no air conditioning (and the stupid fan is still broken). I chose the fridge without a freezer compartment.

Part of it is certainly due to COVID. It’s incredible how many public restrooms are closed across the country (preventing people from washing their hands, which I don’t understand at all).

I was surprised how much just trying to find water can cut into your day. There were times where I spent most of a day just trying to figure that out. Other times I spent entire days trying to figure out where to shower (eventually I discovered truck stop showers, but at $12 a pop I was trying to use them sparingly).

Making my bed at night would take around half an hour, and putting it away in the morning would take the same. This might be partially due to my occasional perfectionist tendencies, but it nevertheless cut an hour out of my day.

And, honestly, I’m not complaining. There were times where I took joy out of these chores. Times where I thought there couldn’t be anything better than this. I’m just saying that after a while, it doesn’t feel like a life. It felt like I was Atlas, in a constant state of trying to hold the world on its axis.

At least, that’s how it came to feel to me. There are a lot of people who feel like they didn’t know what life was until they discovered vanlife. I completely relate to that. I was struggling, a lot, and desperate for “life” to “start.” I felt trapped. I didn’t know what I wanted but I’d had this itch and this dream for so long.

I’m so, so glad I did it. Van Life has taught me what I truly value out of life: people.

I’m excited to actually take the time to invest in my present. I’m excited to keep working as a substitute teacher. I’m excited to get involved with the community.

And I’m really excited for writing to just be about writing. That’s another great aspect of working as a sub: with no grading or lessons plans, nights and weekends off, control over my schedule, and breaks throughout the year, there’s plenty of time to travel and write. And with the financial pressure off my favorite hobby, maybe I can finally get it going somewhere.

I’m sorry I’ve dropped the ball on the blog (again). I think I’m finally ready to admit that blogging just isn’t my thing (at least not regular, frequent blogging about my life). I have a ton of pictures I want to share, and a few stories I think everyone will appreciate (the previously teased 48 hours of Yellowstone story, for one). I do plan on putting more content up here. Mostly pictures, probably, and it might take some time, so if you do want to see those when they appear make sure to follow me on Medium or subscribe to my newsletter at www.carsoncosta.com (it’s not spammy, I promise, it goes out once a month at most).

So if you’re one of my neighbors and were surprised to wake up this morning and see Danica parked in my parents’ driveway, here’s the story.

And if you’ve been following my blog and wondering why I’d dropped off the face of the earth, thank you so much for your patience and support. I couldn’t have gotten this far without you.

Signing off,

Carson and Danica